When MDH and I were first dating, he came home with me one weekend. We were putting bulls out. He got in one pickup and backed his trailer up to the chute and loaded his bulls. I got in another pickup and pulled up to start backing my trailer up. My then-boyfriend jumped out of his pickup and walked over to the chute.
Now, please keep in mind that you act differently when you are dating someone than you do when you are married to them. This was many years ago, and we were still in the “courting” phase of our relationship.
I looked out my window and asked in my kindest voice what he was doing. He said that he was going to help me back my trailer up. Now, my married self would have told him to get back in his pickup, but my dating self just discretely rolled my eyes and stayed silent. I began backing the trailer up, a task I had done many times. He stood there directing me. It took me two tries, but I got it backed up to the chute how I wanted it. I got out and he said, “See, aren’t you glad I helped you?” For. The. Love. I think my eyes just rolled out of my head. I couldn’t stop myself this time. I replied that I didn’t even pay attention to him, and I didn’t need his help in backing up a trailer. I was certain at this point that he was not husband material. Moral of this story: Sometimes it's better to just say how you feel.
Another time, we were fixing fence. He was getting so frustrated with the way I was doing it, and I was getting frustrated with him being frustrated, because there was nothing wrong with how I was doing it, it just wasn’t “his” way. Pretty soon, I took off one way, and he took off the other way. We met back up a couple hours later and all was well. The entire stretch of fence had been repaired (in two different, but both effective, ways) and we were able to be speaking again. Moral of this story: Sometimes, you just need a break.
Now, if I told these stories to 100 people: 50 men, and 50 women; 50 of the men would think he was just being nice and helpful, while 50 of the women would understand my frustration EXACTLY. It’s true, we are just wired differently.
Somehow, that then-boyfriend and I dated for four years and have been married for six years. We still don’t understand each other’s thinking, and never will. We still annoy each other on a daily basis, and we don’t hold back telling each other so. We still fight about how to do things. I am certain my ideas are better than his. He would tell you the opposite, though he is wrong. BUT, we have also figured out how to make it work. We have figured out how to compromise or agree to disagree. We have figured out how to be teammates. And we have figured out how to enjoy each other’s company as co-workers and as spouses.
We also can look back and see so much humor in these stories. So we laugh together.
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