“Hey! You judgin’ me, lady??!” Cow #574
Insecurity brings out the worst in us. Think about a moment in life where you are not super proud of how you responded to something. It’s very likely you were feeling insecure. Insecurity causes us to criticize others, judge others, lash out, say cruel things, isolate ourselves, get jealous, and a myriad of other not so flattering behaviors. This is also true of others’ insecurities. I often say, when someone is being horrible to you, it’s more about their pain than it is about you.
So what do we do to mitigate insecurities? I believe the answer is to know and implement your core values. What are characteristics, behaviors, and qualities that are extremely important to you?
Here are some examples:
Accountability Achievement Adventurous Ambition Authenticity Balance Caring Charity Collaboration Commitment Communication Compassion Competitive Connection Courage Creativity Curiosity Dependability Empathy Encouragement Enthusiasm Ethics Excellence Fairness Faith Family Fearlessness Fitness Friendships Flexibility Freedom Friendliness Friendship Fun Generosity Grace Gratitude Growth Happiness Harmony Health Honesty Humanity Humor Independence Individuality Innovation Intelligence Integrity Intuition Joy Kindness Knowledge Leadership Learning Love Loyalty Making a difference Motivation Optimism Open-mindedness Passion Patience Peace Perfection Performance Perseverance Personal development Popularity Positivity Power Pragmatism Professionalism Punctuality Quality Recognition Relationships Reliability Resilience Respect Risk-taking Safety Security Self-control Service Spirituality Strength Stability Success Thankfulness Traditionalism Understanding Wealth Well-being Wisdom
Step One: Choose five to six values that really resonate with you. If some values are closely related, you can group them together. For example, if you choose fun, humor, and joy, they can be grouped together as one value.
Step Two: For each value, make one or two commitments. Here are some examples: • If honesty is one of your values, you might say, “I commit to being honest and thorough when having hard, necessary conversations.” • If dependability is one of your values, you might say, “I commit to being dependable to myself and others by holding myself accountable to follow through with what I say I will do.” • If authenticity is one of your values, you might say, “I commit to being my authentic self no matter who I am around or how insecure I am feeling.” • If making a difference is one of your values, you might say, “I commit to doing small things each day that make a difference in someone else’s life.” • If fun is one of your values, you might say, “I commit to making time to do something fun or playful every day.” • If freedom is one of your values, you might say, “I commit to being my own boss.”
Step Three: Implement these commitments. Defining who you are helps you proactively prepare for handling conflict and tension in your life. Implementing these values into your everyday life allows you to live and behave intentionally in a way that aligns with who you truly want to be. This process is not a simple checklist; it takes discovering, learning, experimenting, and evolving.
I hope this exercise helps you. I know it helped me! As always, if you have any questions or want to discuss this further, please message me.
All my love!
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