I want to take a second to talk about Christmas after you’ve lost a loved one. There is an empty chair. Does someone sit in it? Do you put their stocking up? Forever, or just at first? Do you fill it? For a million years we got Dad those little Tootsie Roll piggy bank things. It’s nearly impossible for me to go down the Christmas candy isle and not want to put one in my cart. The family traditions that just don’t seem the same. My Dad and I were always Pinochle partners, so playing with the family makes me miss him so much.
The answers to those questions and all the other questions are not always easy. In fact, some of them, especially the stocking one, brings me a level of sadness that has tears streaming down my face and a hollow spot in my stomach. Over time I have gained a new perspective. Do what makes you happy. Simple as that. Does it make me happy to leave a chair empty? No, it doesn’t. So sit in it. Does it make me happy to have Dad’s stocking up? Yes, absolutely. So put it up and fill it with notes and memories. Does it make me happy to play pinochle? Yes, so play and smile knowing that Dad’s watching (and likely critiquing 😉).
My point is, even though it’s easy to let sadness creep in to try to steel the joy of the season, it’s because of the great moments and happy traditions that you feel a sadness in remembering your loved ones. And that is a good thing. I let myself be sad. But I know that I am sad because I miss them, and I know that I miss them because they gave me so many great memories.
So if you are asking yourself these same questions, the answer is do whatever gives you peace. Do whatever helps you keep their memory alive. But don’t be afraid to feel your feelings, even if they are pain and sadness. Just feel them. And know they exist because God once gave you a moment in life that was so wonderful with that person, that you have made it a memory to cherish forever. Merry Christmas. All my love to you.
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